The Abortion
by reader-chic-2
Summary: Clary is out of options. She has no one else to turn to. He was only meant to be there as her ride, but then their choked down emotions got in the way. How did she move on from somebody without a valid reason for moving on? Well, maybe that's just how she got here in the first place. (4 shot?) (dark/fluff/minor smut?)
1. Chapter 1

**The Abortion**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the plot.**

 **A/N: No, people, I am not dead yet. Summer is busier than school is for me. Any suggestions on where a cool college is? No? Yeah that's my problem. Anywayssss, this is a little darker than most. I feel like this easily could have been better for a Percabeth pairing, but I know my Clace so much better.**

* * *

 _2017_

Machines mixed within her surrounding. It was cold. The open gown didn't help it, either. Clary's red hair fell in front of her face as she leaned forward.

 _How did I get myself here?_

Her legs swung back and forth below the medical bed. It felt like her entire body was sweating as she waited. It was all she ever did now. She waited, and waited, and waited. It seemed never-ending.

Her phone vibrated, and she smiled slightly at the name that appeared. Kyle. Every time she read his name, she was brought back to her happiest of times. How ironic she was correct.

"Ms. Fray?"

Clary's head jerked up. She swiped at her eyes and nodded. The doctor's face was solemn, resigned. Her heart sank and she felt bile jumping its way up her throat. She knew that face. She knew what it meant.

"Your results came back."

. . .

 _2015_

She stared back at forty eyes. Her palms were sweating, and her body was vibrating with unused energy.

"Class, welcome Clarissa Fr-,"

"It's Clary," she interjected without thinking. The class fell into a silent hush. Her new chemistry teacher turned to her with raised eyebrows. She should apologize. Instead, she shrugged. "Just so you know."

He huffed indignantly, shoving his glasses back on his nose. "Yes, well, this is _Clary_ Fray. Clary, since you're so inclined on speaking your mind, would you please partner with Mr. Wayland in the back? Maybe you can knock his ego down a notch or ten."

A smooth, deep voice chuckled from the back. "Please do. Building it up is the fun part, Sir."

The comment seemed to exhaust teacher. He simply waved her back and continued on with his notes. Clary shouldered her bag and walked to the back of the room. It was more empty back here, and she wondered if the infamous Mr. Wayland was the reason.

He was sitting in the corner, his feet propped up on the lab table. And she was sure she'd never seen a more attractive man in her life.

He was older than most in her grade. Despite always taking advanced classes, she couldn't have been prepared for his jaw-dropping beauty. His pale skin was covered in endless tattoos, and his curly hair just barely brushed near his eyes, framing his face in a way that made Clary's insides twist. Above all that, his eyes caught hers instantly, their gold flecks casting a spell over Clary that was impossible to break.

"Well, aren't you a spunky little redhead?" He chuckled, a smirk forming along his sharp lips. "Sit down, sweetheart, the show's about to begin."

"Show?" Clary asked, taking her seat after throwing his legs out of her way. "What's your name anyways?"

"Didn't you hear him? Mr. Wayland," he said in his best impersonation of the teacher. Clary rolled her eyes. She didn't know if she was more excited or full of dread at the notion of being seated next to a hot yet full of himself boy all year long. "Jace."

Her breath stopped short. "Jace. You're my brother's friend. Jonathan."

His lips turned upward. "The one and only. Funny. He definitely underplayed your beauty."

Her cheeks burst into flames, and for the rest of class her goal was to keep her heartbeat under two hundred beats per second.

. . .

 _2017_

Clary paced back and forth, phone pressed against her ear so tightly it would bruise her cheekbone. Her heart was racing faster than her stomach was churning.

"Please, Jon. Y-you have to," she begged, tears slipping down her cheeks. It was getting harder to breathe.

Jon blew out a breath of air, forcing static into the receiver. Clary crossed her fingers. He was her last resort. If she didn't get his help…

She threw the phone down and ran to the bathroom. Surely Jon could hear her gagging and choking through the phone. It seemed to last forever, leaving her with that horribly bitter taste in her mouth. She took a breath and steadied herself. Then she found the phone.

"Are you still there?" Clary asked breathlessly.

"Yes."

She clenched her eyes shut. "Please." It came out as a hoarse whisper, as if she still had vomit in her throat. She felt like she did.

"You can stay here," Jon finally broke the silence. Clary's life jumped back to life. "But I can't take you there, Clare."

"W-what? Why not?"

Jon cleared his throat, and when he spoke his voice was thicker than it should have been. "I can't, Clary. I can't help you kill a baby."

"Jon."

"I get it. I get you think it's your only choice."

"Jon," he voice raised, getting more and more unsteady as her fears captured her again.

"But with Iz…"

"Jon, please," Clary cried, not even fully conscious enough to grasp his point.

"Iz is pregnant, Clary. I'm going to be a father."

"Jon," Clary broke down. She wanted to congratulate him. She wanted to be happy for him. But all she could think about was the thing inside her. All she could feel was the second heartbeat. All she could hear was the sounds of a baby crying while she helplessly fumbled in trashcans, looking for food. All she could see was her clothes being thrown out the front door of her house.

"I'm sorry, Clary. I just can't do it," he said, and it sounded like his heart was breaking alongside hers. She took in a breath, but she got no air. "Come here. We can figure something out. Bring a friend to take you or there's always…"

"No," Clary shook her head, knowing what he was about to say.

"You know he'd do anything for you."

"I've got to go." Clary said.

"Cl-,"

She hung up and slammed her hands on the dresser. Black bags had formed under her eyes and her cheeks were sunken in. Wasn't she supposed to be gaining weight? She shook her head and wiped off the remaining tears.

She walked downstairs unsteadily, spots dancing across her vision. When she made it down, her mother was sipping on coffee and speaking into her cell phone. She made a face and mouthed, "Change," when she saw Clary's outfit. Clary shook her head, sitting at the table with discomfort.

She couldn't change. If she took off Jon's old sweatshirt, her mouth would notice her gut – no, not gut. Her baby bump…because she was having a baby. Or that's what her body thought.

"I'm going to see Jonathan," Clary said, passing the discolored wall. They really should have repaired that by now. White plaster with no paint looked horrible on a red wall. Her mother snapped her fingers, shaking her head no.

"Today."

Her mother frowned at her tone yet continued speaking into the phone.

She simply waved her hand, shoeing Clary away. And that was all Clary needed. She stormed upstairs, packed her bag, and grabbed her keys. Her mother followed her to the car. She was on a different phone call, but she put it on pause. Clary didn't let herself build up hope that her mother would have any truly kind words or inspirational hugs, or even that she would notice how pale Clary had grown, and how little she could keep down now.

"Here's gas money," she said, passing over a fifty dollar bill. "Don't wreck it."

. . .

She stared at the house. It was small with blue walls. The trim was white. It was the school's colors. It was so old it had shutters. It was more of a condo connected to many others. Clary had only seen it once when Jon moved in, and Jace hadn't been there. Now, she knew they were both there by the two cars in the garage.

She took a deep breath and got out of her car.

The door was open, so she walked through. Instantly, a wave of boy hit her. Her stomach twisted with discomfort, and she doubled over, forcing her body to retreat back in on itself.

"Jon!" she yelled in an imminent tone of danger. "Jonnnn!"

He came running.

"B-bathroom," she choked, hand over her mouth. The smell only increased as she fumbled her way into the apartment. It was like a male musk tainted with a hint of a sweaty gym. The baby did _not_ like it. His finger pointed in a direction to her right, and then she was tumbling down the hall.

"Hey, that's my sweatshirt!"

She ignored the voice and faint figure to her left because she was too focused on the bathroom at the end of the hall. Clary nearly fell headfirst into the toilet. Panting, she hovered over the porcelain, waiting for the familiar taste of bile. It didn't come. Instead, she got a flash. Before she could do a thing about it, the sweatshirt was off and thrown far behind her.

"Damn, she's sick."

God, that voice was heaven to her ears, even in her condition.

When she was sure she wouldn't puke, she shoved herself back to her feet, legs shaking in the process. Numbly, she looked at her feet and faced the two boys at the bathroom entrance. She shook her head.

"Not sick," she mumbled, unable to meet Jace's eyes. In all honesty, she'd been as scared to tell Jace as she'd been to tell Jonathan – no, she'd been completely petrified.

"Pregnant," Jonathan summed up. He glanced wearily at Jace before rushing to Clary's side. "Come on. You should lie down."

She shook him off. "I'm fine." Nevertheless, she ventured back to the couch and pulled her knees up to chest as far as they could go, which wasn't as far as it used to be.

Finally, Clary looked at Jace. His eyes were still wide. The golden flecks in them were partially hidden now, and his hair was shorter than it used to be. It suited him, she decided. His muscles were only more defined, and the waves of lust her body still felt for him were unnerving. She blamed the baby.

"Fuck, Clary, how far along _are_ you?" Jonathan cursed. "Why didn't you call me sooner?"

Every word was a slap to her face. She couldn't look at him because she honestly didn't know. For a while, she pretended not to notice her missing period. She pretended her boobs had always been D's, not B's. She pretended it was normal to throw up so often.

"Twenty weeks," she mumbled.

"Shit, Clary, were you trying to starve the thing to death first? You should be double that size!" Jonathan yelled. Clary flinched back into the crappy couch. She shook her head. She couldn't eat. Every time she ate, she vomited it back up. It was probably best she aborted the baby; it surely already had deformities.

She stiffened at her own thoughts. How could she even say that? What type of person thinks like that? Waves of remorse flooded her body and mind, attacking her heart with soon to be familiar agony.

"Jesus, Jon, lighten up. Are you trying to make her cry?" Jace's voice grew closer until he was beside Clary. He had his sweatshirt in his lap before he offered it to Clary hesitantly. Clary wiped a silent tear away and accepted it gratefully.

"I thought it was Jon's."

Jace shrugged. "Looks good on you," he said, but his voice was grim. He wasn't flirting, only trying to keep Clary from bursting apart at the seams.

Jonathan continued staring at Clary until she finally looked up. For some reason, she had a little hope he wouldn't judge her too harshly. She was still his sister, after all. They always said they'd be there for each other because their parents never were – _especially_ because their parents never were. She offered him a sad lift of the lips to make up for her lack of smiles.

"I can't believe you're going to do this," he said with pure disgust, as if she were nothing but a roach. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Jon," Clary jumped to her feet only to be hit by a wave of fatigue. It was too late, but she ran after him. He slammed the door in her face of the way out.

It was silent. She could feel Jace's eyes on her, and they wouldn't let her turn around. Somehow, her mind found a happier time, back when Jace had to defend her again.

. . .

 _2015_

Clary smiled at Jace over the rim of the bottle. The bubbly contents made her throat sting a bit, or maybe it was the miniscule bits of alcohol in it. "This is better than I expected," she admitted, sipping more at the yellow liquid. Jace raised an eyebrow.

"I'd hope so. It's pussy shit," he snorted, taking a long swig of his beer. He shrugged. "I figured I should go easy on you the first time."

Clary leaned forward, "I can take it." She winked, blood flooding into her cheeks. Jace threw his head back in laughter.

"I'd love to see you try, Red," Jace smirked. He got up and grabbed another Mike's Hard Lemonade for Clary once she finished her third. She sat beside him on the couch with a peaceful smile. Jonathan was out of town visiting a college and her mother was at work. It was the perfect time to get drunk, and Jace was there to help her out. He was always nice like that, always offered to help, especially with the fun things in life. "First kiss."

"Hmm?" Clary asked, eyes getting caught on his exposed arms thanks to his thin tank top. He'd just come from football practice, and Clary already managed to admit to him that his sweat actually made him smell good.

"When was your first kiss?" Jace asked. Clary swung her legs over his waist eagerly, back against the side of the couch. Jace sipped on his beer more, waiting for her answer.

She shrugged. "Never had one."

He almost dropped his beer. His eyes went wide, and he waited only a second before saying, "Stop drinking."

"What? Why?"

"Stop drinking," he repeated. He took the half finished drink and set it on the ground. Then, he moved closer, looking between her eyes. "How drunk are you?"

"Not much," she frowned. "Jace, what's going on?" He looked appeased with her answer, and she didn't know why.

"Because," he sat his beer down with a mischievous grin, "I want you to remember your first kiss well."

Clary's heart skipped a beat. She'd know Jace for three months now, and she was positive he was her best friend. They hung out all the time, normally alongside Jonathan, but the three made a fun trio. Nevertheless, she'd never gotten to know somebody quicker than she had Jace. That was why she never imagined this happening. Jace was a player. He constantly used girls he didn't care about. Clary didn't judge him; the girls knew what they were getting into. It was simply that within a week, she counted Jace out of a possibly love interest for that reason.

"J-Jace, I'm not sure if that's a good idea," she squeaked, covering her mouth in the process. Jace raised an eyebrow. He rested one hand on her hip, and Clary worried her heart might explode. Since when did his touch become so electric?

Jace shrugged. "I think it is. You should know what good kissing is like. You deserve only the best, and, sweetheart, that's me."

Her mouth dropped. Was she hearing him correctly? "I deserve the best? It sounds like you want more than a ki-,"

"Just kiss me," he interrupted before she could say his fatal words. Clary had hesitations for only a moment. After all, it was Jace Wayland. She'd be stupid to pass up the chance to have her first kiss with him, especially because it was very rare when he _only_ kissed a girl.

Slowly, she moved forward, eyes clenching shut to hold in her nerves. Jace's other hand gently cupped her cheek. She had no idea he could ever be this gentle. Light as a feather, he ghosted his lips across hers.

It was like a spark on gasoline. She wanted more, instantly, as soon as possible, _now_. She fell forward, finding his lips, and then he really kissed her. It was different than she had expected. It was less slobbery, and it was ten times better than her mind had imagined. Jace chuckled into the kiss, making the vibrations speed up her heart even more. He moved his lips against hers slowly, as if memorizing the curvature.

Her hands wound into Jace's hair, and then they were falling backwards. Her head slammed into the armchair of the couch and she gasped, opening her mouth to Jace. He took advantage of the opportunity and ran his tongue along her bottom lip.

Clary nearly died of shock.

She pulled away, mouth hanging open and pupils fully dilated. Jace hovered above her with that shit-eating grin that never failed to ignite a flame inside her gut. "Wow."

Jace chuckled. "If you liked it so much, why did you stop?"

"To make sure I wouldn't explode," she said, hand over her heart. Clary shook her head, forcing red curls to leave her vision. "I'm good," she said as she yanked Jace back down by his shirt. This time, she tasted his lips, and she was thoroughly delighted.

It was when Jace's tongue found hers that the door opened. She whimpered slightly while the person at the door gagged.

Instantly, Jace broke apart, whipping around to see her very brother. Jonathan seemed quite troubled, like he was struggling to both stand and breathe. "Well shit," Jace hissed, sitting up. He helped Clary up as well. She was trying not to laugh. Maybe mixing alcohol with another addicting substance wasn't the best idea. She didn't regret it, though.

"Seriously, Clary?" Jonathan dropped his bag on the ground, storming over to them. Jace felt utter surprise as he passed by his perfectly punchable face. "You have one fucking friend and this is what you do? You know he's my friend too, right?"

Jace jumped up glaring. "Back off. It was just a kiss."

"A kiss? For fuck's sake, you two were about to pass making out," he screamed, pacing back and forth. Clary's anger boiled over. Upset. That's what she was. She was upset he walked in and ruined it all.

"So what? This doesn't affect _you_ ," she hissed, hands balled up into fists.

"Oh come on, yes it does," Jon shoved Clary back a bit, and she stumbled into the couch. He pointed an accusing finger at Jace. "You really want to become one of his bitches? Everyone hears about them, Clare. Everyone. You're going to ruin my rep. And you're going to go all crazy girlfriend on Jace and drive him away. That's fucked up, Clare. I don't want to be the guy with a slutty sister who fucked his best friend!"

Something in Jace snapped. He moved into Jon's face, eyes burning brighter than a sun. His fist connected with Jon's cheeks with a loud smack. "Shut the hell up. Clary can do what she wants with who she wants and it's none of your business. She's not one of my bitches, either dude. Jesus, are you trying to make her cry?"

* * *

 **A/N: At some point, this does turn to M. What did you all think? It's not completely done yet, but it is longer than I thought. How's 4 reviews for a possible 4 shot? I NEED FEED BACK FROM THE HUMAN WORLD (and if any of you are not humans, please still review we have lots to talk about ;))**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the plot.**

* * *

 _2017_

Clary pressed her palms against her eyes, wishing away her situation. Instead, Jace sat down beside her with such gentleness she felt the need to push him off the couch. He rested a hand on her shoulder.

"He's stressed out, Clary. Ever since Iz found out…well, he's nervous. She has a job, and he doesn't. It doesn't sit well on him."

Clary nodded. Was it selfish of her to say she didn't care?

"They get to have their baby," Clary muttered in disgust. "He doesn't get to freak out."

She leaned back and let her head rest on the couch as she stared with sadness at Jace. He had a firm gaze locked on Clary, one of grim confusion. His lips twisted as he slung an arm around her shoulders. "You know I'll do anything for you, Clary."

Clary sighed, her world never failing to be less and less forgiving. "I know. It's just…weird."

Jace paused before chuckling warmly. The sound made her insides melt. For once in a long, struggling year, she felt the slightest hint of safety. She missed this. She missed Jace's never failing security.

Jace gazed softly down into her big eyes. He seemed so at ease, as if this didn't faze him at all. "You're my Clary. I don't care how weird things get." Clary offered a grim smile.

"Are you mad?" she whispered. It was her other concern. Jace's heart was so full, especially for her. She was terrified she'd break him a second time.

Jace's grip tightened only a little. "I'm mad you didn't come to me sooner. I'm mad the dick left this all on you. Sure, I'm mad, but not at you."

Clary snorted. "He didn't leave this on me, Jace. He was a good guy. I just didn't want to burden him with it."

Jace frowned. "He should be here helping you, Clary."

She shook her head, looking at her lap. "He's going to college in Indiana. He's a great guy, but not for this."

"So he was…?"

"Not a boyfriend," she confirmed. "It was casual while he was in town for a month. I almost didn't do it…damn Isabelle convinced me I needed to m-never mind." She suddenly remembered where she was, whom she was talking to. Jace did not need to know everything. Clearing her throat, she turned this into a professional conversation. "Um, I'll be drowsy after it's…done. They won't let me drive home. I…"

Jace grunted. "I'll be there. What time?"

Reminiscing on old recollections, she played with his heart. "Our fucking time, but in the morning."

At first, he didn't get it. She watched with vague interest as his mind worked through the memories. "Our fucking time," he sighed like an angel had kissed his lips.

. . .

 _2016_

She sat at the dinner table as her mother multitasked between eating the dinner Clary had prepared and answering emails. Jon was at Jace's, and boredom had set in. She tried talking to her mother, truthfully, but all she got were distant nods, even when she'd said Jace had gotten her pregnant.

"Wonderful," she muttered, eyes scanning the screen furiously. Clary wondered what she could possibly be doing that required her attention every hour of her day. How did she get any sleep?

She chewed the food that suddenly tasted far less appealing than it had while she was preparing it until her phone buzzed. Most people would excuse themselves to answer a text, but it wasn't like her mother would notice. She pulled out the phone and prayed it was from Jace; he always had something interesting to say. And it certainly was.

 **Hey Red – J**

Meh. Unoriginal.

 **'Hey Red' isn't going to cut it I'm dying – C**

 **Mhmm and what's killing my baby? – J**

Clary would never get used to that. Being called somebody's baby should have felt weird and patronizing, but all she felt was a cardiac arrest and heat so hot it flooded her body. And Jace knew it.

 **Boredom – C**

 **I think that's your clary cute code for 'I need fucked' – J**

 **. . . – C**

 **No comment – C**

 **Jk yes comment. I want sex. Sue me. – C**

 **After we fuck* - C**

 **There's my dirty doll ;) – J**

 **I just gagged a little. There goes my libido – C**

 **You know you love it – J**

 **Shut up when can we have sexxxxx? – C**

 **Anytime, anyplace – J**

 **I'm serious *growl* – C**

 **Feisty, I like it. And after only a two-day dry spell…you're going to make a hot little wife one day, baby – J**

 **At this rate, it's not going to be to you – C**

 **You're hilarious – J**

 **And you know your brother's here. He's going to kill me if I bail for an hour to fuck his baby sister – J**

 **Again – J**

 **Boooo he'll get over it – C**

 **If you're so horny, can you wait a few hours? – J**

 **You know I hate that word -_- but for your abs? anytime – C**

 **Meet me in an hour and a half. My room. Don't be late. – J**

 **What are you going to tell Jon? – C**

 **That's for me to worry about, baby, just be ready ;) – J**

An hour and thirty-one minutes later, Clary knocked softly on Jace's window. He opened it with a glare, tugging Clary inside without hesitation. "You're one minute late," he hissed, eyes as dark as the room. Clary smirked, standing on her toes pointedly.

"What are you going to do about it?" she snorted. Jace's eyes went wide, and then he shoved her back against the wall.

"Are you _trying_ to wake Jon up?" he cursed, glancing over his shoulder. Clary's mouth dropped.

"You were supposed to take care of it!"

Jace stepped away and shrugged carelessly. "He's out cold. Besides, we're not fucking in here." Clary, now intrigued, raised an eyebrow. A smug Jace simply made the come-hither motion with his finger, then promptly turned his back on her and walked into the bathroom. Clary's mouth dropped open.

"No."

He didn't say a word.

"Not happening."

He shut the door.

"Jace, I'm serious."

He grunted as tugged off his shirt.

"My brother is literally ten feet away."

She heard something rustling in the bedroom and glanced over her shoulder. Almost immediately, Jace made a sudden appearance at her side. She felt hot moisture along her exposed neck, and it felt like Jace had sent electricity through her body. Her mouth opened with the intention of speaking, but all thoughts stopped short.

"Screw my brother," she breathed, pulling her flaming hair out of the way to give Jace better access.

Jace chuckled into her skin. "Screw me," he shoved Clary against the wall. She arched her back as Jace kissed up and down her neck. As she grinded her butt against his groin, Jace sucked on her sweet spot. Her soft, hot moans filled the bathroom, only growing as his hands slipped underneath her shorts.

"P-please, Jace," Clary whimpered with need. Jace grinned as he relented, spinning her around. Eyes rolling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and connected their lips hungrily. She'd never get used to the way he kissed her, like ever time they connected was more special than any moment in his life. Each kiss was better, each lick hotter.

His tongue fought against hers while their fingers worked together to undress each other. First went her sweatpants, then her shirt. He kicked off his boxers and skipped her bra because they were in pain with how much they wanted each other. Jace gripped her ass before lifting her into the air.

His fingers entered her first, testing out the water. He did it without warning, and Clary let out a shriek of pure delight. "Yes, Jace," she groaned, grinding her hips into his hand. She bit her lip and wound her hands in his hair, tugging him close enough so she could kiss his neck.

Secretly, Jace had a thing for being bitten, and Clary knew it. When she bit down between his neck and collarbone, Jace melted into Clary with a groan.

"Turn around," he commanded. Giggling, Clary jumped down from his hips. Warning set aside, Jace bent her over the sink with a grunt of absolute pleasure. Clary knew this position well.

There was no better pleasure than that first thrust into her, the one that made her feel completely and utterly filled. It came with such a start she squealed with excitement. Jace tugged her hair back, forcing her back to arch and push her ass into the air.

It was when Jace shifted forward, and then he found it. He continuously pounded into Clary, hitting her G spot with every thrust. Mouth open in pure ecstasy, she couldn't stop each whimper from leaving her body. He fucked her hard and fast, and she responded with hard, fast cries of pleasure. She couldn't imagine a better feeling than this mountain of elation.

It all came crumbling down when Jonathan stumbled through the door, half asleep, half confused.

"Oh fuck!" Clary cursed, leaving as far into the sink as she could, blocking Jonathan's direct view of her nearly naked body.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Jonathan groaned, as if he'd come home from his football game only to have to clean his room. He ran a hand down from forehead to his chin, as if debating what to do. "Seriously? You could have gone to her room."

Clary hadn't even thought of that.

"Aw, don't you know Jon? The possibility of getting caught is hot," Jace chuckled over his shoulder, kissing Clary's neck chastely. Jonathan grumbled, turning around so as not having to see Jace _still_ inside his sister.

"Mission accomplished. This is the second time I've walked in on you. You're getting a fucking time."

"A fucking time?" Clary squeaked, aiming for innocence, though she didn't know why. Jonathan had surely lost all thoughts of her being innocent since the day Jace commented on her ass. That was the first day he'd come over, the fifth day she'd known him.

"Yes, a damn fucking time. From now on…fuck at midnight or some shit so I'll know to leave you the hell alone. This is disgusting." Jonathan fell face first on the bed, most likely trying to wash the image out of his head.

Clary looked over her shoulder at Jace, who shrugged. "How's eleven?"

Jonathan narrowed his eyes with distaste. "Fine."

"Dude, but if you're asleep…"

"Go to _her_ room and lock the damn door!" Jonathan spoke as if talking to a baby.

Jace grinned. "You're the true bro."

Jonathan only moaned like he'd seen his grandmother's boobs. Well, he did almost see his sisters, but she personally believed she had better boobs than her grandmother, weirdness aside.

Nobody really said anything for a few seconds. Clary frowned. She was definitely not done. Looking over her shoulder, she mouthed, "What do we do?"

Jace winked and leaned his head toward the open door. "Yo. Can you shut the door?"

Jonathan was fuming. "I'm going home you fuckers."

Clary rolled her eyes, but she really didn't feel completely bad. A thought occurred to her. "Hey! Take my car, please!"

"Why the hell should I drive your moveable tampon?"

Her red 'punch-buggy' was adorable and she wouldn't hear anything but that.

"So I can sleepover and his dad won't find out," Clary said, using as much glee in her voice as possible.

"Fucking pricks," Jonathan growled as he threw his own keys at the intertwined two. Clary giggled when it hit her skin. He left through the window and she finally burst into laughter.

"That was hilarious," she beamed at Jace. He was laughing alongside her.

And after, when they were both pushed to their points of exhaustion, she lied on his chest and smiled with content towards the open window.

"I love our fucking time," she sighed.

"I love you."

She stiffened, unsure how she was to respond to that. He'd never said that before, yet he spoke without a hint of nerves. His hand didn't even falter the way it moved back and forth along her shoulder. Noticing her silence, he met her eyes.

"Don't be so alarmed. You're quite easy to love, you know," he pointed out. This time, she could sense how forced his casualness was. His heart was beating like he'd just jogged a fourth of a mile: steady but fast.

"Am I?" Clary rested her hands on his chest, over his first tattoo, and then let her chin fall on her hands. "You're a little tough to love."

"Oh?"

"Yes," she admitted with a blissful smile. "So much ego-boosting and fucking needed." She rolled her eyes, noticing the way his lips twitched unknowingly. "However, I'd know from experience that it's so worth it."

His smile completed her world.

. . .

 _2017_

Jace found Clary perched over the toilet, gagging like she'd just swallowed a gallon of water. Since she'd clearly gotten good at this on her own, he got her some water. He assumed it was over when she let her hair down from her ponytail.

Jace regarded her as she took a hesitant sip of water. Her hands were frail and bony. He never remembered them looking like that. Her cheekbones were more defined, and originally he'd thought it was because she'd simply lost some residing baby-fat in her face that had truly looked adorable. Now he wondered if it was because she was starving for nutrients that wouldn't stay down.

Her breath was shallow. "No, I'm not doing this on purpose to kill it." Jace frowned and she waved a hand. "Jonathan asked me that earlier this morning." She shook her head and scooted away from the toilet, leaning against the bathtub. "I don't know why it's like this. It's not good. What if I intended on…keeping it?"

Jace sighed. "I know you'd see a doctor. They would probably give you some prenatal vitamins and figure out a way to get some nutrients in you." Clary wasn't expecting this answer. She raised an eyebrow. "I switched to premed."

Her mouth dropped open. "Wow. Seriously? That's awesome," she laughed tiredly. "Why didn't you – well, Jon tell me?"

"Clearly, it's the less important thing here." He glanced at his watch. "It's almost time."

He could see the way his words hit her like a brick. Her face fell, if it could even get any sadder. "Right. I'll get my shoes."

Fifteen minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of the women's center. There were two of them near his campus. This was the farther one from the apartment, and he suspected she wanted to face Jon as long after as she could.

Clary led the way into the facility, and he couldn't help but admire her bravery. The sun lit up her hair like flames dancing among embers of a fire that refused to die. Her feeble shoulders straightened when confronted with the signs held up by protesters. The words they screamed at her face, the spit flying through the air, the fingers and stares and threats…she held firm. She didn't break. There had to be some admiration for that. She may have been ending a life before it started, but at least she wasn't going to let the situation take hers as well.

Jace pushed back against the more aggressive protesters. He hadn't drove by a single day that there was less than ten people standing outside, shouting horrid things at girls as they walked by, some visibly pregnant and some as thin as a rail, most likely going there for an STD scare or precautionary contraception. He couldn't shake the disgusted thought that these protesters shouting for no harm were doing plenty of harm themselves.

"Clary Fray," she said to the woman at the front desk. The woman nodded and checked her name off. Her eyes glided to Jace.

"This is the father?"

It looked like somebody had stabbed Clary…directly in the heart. Jace stepped forward. "No."

The woman faltered. "Uh, okay. Well, are you her ride home? Because you need to sign these forms." She shoved a three inch pile of papers and a clipboard toward them. Jace's eyes narrowed. He nodded curtly and jerked the papers out of her judging hands. Clary was given her own stack of papers as well. They sat down beside an even younger and thinner than Clary. On Jace's side was a woman in her mid-forties with a stomach three times the size of Clary's.

 _Relation to patient._

He had no idea what to write down. Every time he looked at her, all he wanted to write was one word. _Wife._ Or even girlfriend. Something as simple as lover would even suffice. He didn't care. He just wanted something with more meaning than friend. Sadly, he didn't even qualify for that anymore.

Jace wrote ' _brother's friend'_ and turned the papers in with remorse. He had so much grief and anger towards what had become of the two of them.

He should have fought harder for her.

"Clarissa Fray?" Clary's head jerked up too quickly, as if somebody had just sentenced her to death. Maybe they did, a part of her at least. "We're ready for you."

Clary stood, and Jace couldn't help but notice how much her hands were shaking. She clasped them together and tried to step forward, but it was like she was walking through cement and her feet couldn't lift up against the force.

Jace grabbed her arm and stood. Her eyes were so big. "You don't have to do this, Clary. There are other options."

She shook her head. "I have to. I need to. I…it just hurts so bad."

Jace's lips moved into a thin line. "Let me help."

"Jace, I don't think-," she protested immediately, but then she glanced at the awaiting nurse. Her shoulders sagged and Jace caught her swaying form easily. "Thank you."

He didn't need to say anything back. She understood. He kissed her forehead and led her behind the nurse into the procedural room. It was very cold despite the average temperature and pink walls. Why would they have pink walls and cute little cartoon animals on the wall in a room where they held abortions? Was stabbing the women in the heart not enough? Did they need to rip it to shreds?

The nurse left them alone in the room. Clary took a deep breath before climbing onto the weirdly shaped chair. She eyes the two metal contraptions sticking out from it with displeasure. "It looks like a robot."

She snorted and spoke in a voice that was on the edge of tears. "It's for my feet," her voice was too hoarse. Had she gotten any sleep last night? "H-he has to go inside and…"

Jace regretted saying anything. He pulled up a chair beside the upper section of the bed. As the door opened, he felt her tiny, cold hand scramble to find his on his legs. Instantly, he captured the offered piece of Clary between both of his, letting her squeeze as tight as she could.

"Hello, Clarissa. Is this your…boyfriend?" The man had spiked black hair with purple tips. He was surprised he was allowed to have so much dark looking make-up and glitter on his face in the work environment.

Jace began to speak, but Clary simply shrugged. "Sure." Her voice was dead. She wasn't up for conversation today.

The doctor nodded as he scanned her chart. "I'm glad you're here. I'm Dr. Bane. And you are?"

"Jace," he said and shook the man's extended hand. That name sounded familiar, but he decided not to probe for information under these circumstances.

"Okay, well, I'll give you a run down of the procedure and then we'll give you some minor pain medication to get started. Sound good?"

A tear slipped down Clary's cheeks as she nodded. Her grip only grew tighter as the hour went on, and Jace's heart broke just as much at seeing the tears roll down her face.

After, as he carried Clary into the car, all he could think about was the day she broke up with him.

* * *

 **A/N: wow. I've never had such instant responses to a short story of mine. That was amazing and exactly what I needed to finish this story! Hopefully I'll get it finished soon, I'm just not too sure on the ending yet. Thank you guys so much! I see these big stories with thousands of responses and stuff and am amazed at how much negativity is there. I love that you guys are always so positive, even when giving me contructive criticism.**

 **Also, stay tuned. There is a possible chance of me making another long Clace story. Working on the plot now, review if you want to see it happen!**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.**

* * *

 _2016_

The graduation party was far larger than what had been planned, though they should have expected it considering word had gotten out that Jonathan's mom was out of town. No parents equaled alcohol.

Jace meant to spend the party with Clary. They were planning on spending all summer together, as much as possible. It wasn't a silly idea. After all, Jace would be moving hours away in under three months.

He found her dancing with a bottle of alcohol in her hands. He couldn't help but smile. His fiery girl with fire-red hair dancing with Fireball, most likely drunk on Fireball.

Jon slung an arm around Jace's shoulders. "Clary's piss drunk," he sighed. "Again."

"Again?"

Jonathan sipped at his cup. "Yeah. She had Simon over yesterday to get drunk. Earlier that morning she was still vomiting from the night before." That was not the Clary he knew. She'd get drunk from time to time, normally with Jace. "Did something happen? You know if you fuck up my sister, I'll-,"

"Fuck me up," Jace rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and watched Clary for a moment longer. "We talked about next year last week. She was sad, but she knows we'll be fine. I'm going to drive one weekend, she drives the next, and the third we'll meet in the middle. The fourth week will be a break, and then it repeats. It's a good system."

Jonathan stared at him like a fish out of water. "Yeah, let me know how that goes…"

Jace rolled his eyes. "Let me hear it."

Jonathan placed his cup down, and that's when he got serious. He glanced wearily at Clary. "Look. I love you two together. It's weird, but you work together. It's just…you're giving up so much and you don't even know if things will work out. Don't you want to know what a true college experience feels like? Fucking random hot chicks, waking up with a girl and not knowing her name, drinking until you pass out everyday? You can't do that with your 'system' dude."

Jace watched as Clary took a heavy swig. She continued dancing, twirling around so much he was surprised she stayed on her feet. "I don't want any of that. I just want Clary. We will work. It only fails if you give up on it."

Jonathan sighed as Clary finally took her fall onto the couch. She didn't move. "Yeah. It looks like it won't take a toll on her, either."

Jace cursed Jon under his breath as he made his way to Clary. She was breathing, and her eyes were fluttering shut. His stomach was in knots. Jon's words echoed in his mind. Did he do this to her? Did he cause her such sorrow she had to drink away her pains? He carried her to her room and watched over her all night, unable to look away out of fear of losing her completely.

Jace didn't know what he'd do without Clary. He'd grown too used to having her around. She was his world. There was nothing else he wanted more than Clary. He only focused on football to get into a decent school. He only wanted to go to a decent school to get a job so he could do everything in his power to watch over Clary.

The next morning, Clary woke up only to go empty her stomach in the trashcan. She always had been prone to vomiting. After Jace explained the night to her, she sat with her legs hugged against her chest, unable to look him in the eye.

"Jon thought you've been drinking…because I'm going away to college soon."

She didn't say a word.

"I said he was crazy…because we've already talked it through. You're okay with the plan, right?"

The more he spoke the crazier he sounded to himself.

"Clary."

She burst into tears.

"I can't do it, Jace. I can't do long distance. You went to the campus for three days and I felt like gorging my eyes out," Clary bawled into her arms. It was as if he'd been free falling and finally hit the brick wall. She looked up, eyes blood-shot. "You deserve better. You should party every weekend, make mistakes, fuck mistakes, do it all. I'll just hold you back."

Jace tried to speak, but she just jumped at the open air again. "And I want better than hour long car rides and phone calls and not knowing your friends and hearing about a world I don't fucking know."

He breathed and felt no air enter his lungs. It took him minutes to comprehend what he'd heard. She wanted this.

"And the sex. God, we need sex. I need sex. I can't stand to go weeks without sex, Jace!" She attempted to throw in some humor, but it fizzled out in the tense air around them within seconds.

All he could do was stare at her quietly, trying to mask the earthquake shattering his mind. She wiped at her nose. "I'm sorry, Jace. I love you. I always will, but I can't put us through hell for something that -,"

"Might not work out anyways?" Jace clipped, voice dangerously low. He shoved himself to his feet. Anger suddenly surged through his body. He snarled down at her, "Throw it away before even giving it a shot. Yeah, that sounds like a smart move."

"Jace, be realistic," she whispered as if talking to a child.

He clenched his jaw. "Realism only applies to the average, Clary. And you aren't average." Clary didn't have an answer for that. Jace took a deep breath, willing to think clearly for a moment. He couldn't live with himself if he left her like this. Still, he couldn't look at her. All he saw was a given up dream. "Since you've already decided it… I'll leave you to it. Have an average summer and an average life, Clarissa."

She moved towards him, but he was already gone. He could hear her sobs from the front door. Blinking away tears, he forced his emotions into rage. In the span of two seconds, he punched a hole in their wall to try and come to a conclusion on what to do with his life.

For the past two years, she'd been his one true aspiration. What would he do with life now?

A month later, he texted her:

 _Clary, I hate how I left things. You had every right to end it. I was the one who chose to go to college so far away in the first place. I love you. I always will. That will never change, and you should know that. I will hold out hope that we meet again, that you even come here for college. But don't do it for me. Do what makes you happy. Date other guys. See what's out there. Just know I'm always here if you need me. Know I'd do anything for you, and you shouldn't settle for a guy who would do less. Call me if you need me for anything. I miss you._

 _\- Jace_

She never responded.

. . .

 _2017_

It was unsettling to see Clary so alike to death. He'd placed her on his bed after helping her walk in. Almost immediately, she closed her eyes and snuggled into the blankets. It left Jace to sit and stare with the same longing he'd felt a year ago.

He couldn't see where they'd gone. In all honesty, he was still angry at Clary. She'd given up on them so early. If she had just tried a few months, maybe he wouldn't have been so upset.

Maybe things would have been different.

Jace shook his head and gazed down at her broken form. It didn't matter anymore. The past was what happened, and now he had to deal with it.

"Nobody ever warns you about love when you're so young. They make it seem like a fucking fairytale, like the heartbreak doesn't come until you're twenty-seven."

Jace slouched back against the bedframe, his fingers playing with a loose strand of Clary's hair. Ever so slowly, his eyes met Jonathan's. "I wouldn't have listened."

"I'm talking about Clary." Jace paused until his words made sense. Jon had a wistful expression in his eyes as he looked at the bed holding two people he'd grown to care very dearly for. "All I ever did was call her a slut, you know? Then and now."

Jace ran his other hand through his hair. He snorted. "It's not like I did any better." He gestured tiredly to Clary's feeble form. Jon's eyes grew darker.

"She ended it with you, Jace. You couldn't help that."

Her soft scent wafted through the air. Despite what she'd gone through today, it was the same crisp, clean smell that always invoked his sense of happiness. "I shouldn't have ever pursued her, Jon. She was two grades below me…two years. Sometimes, there are warning signs for bad things. And we looked over all of them."

Jonathan leaned against the door. The air was full of sad, deflated tension, as if everyone had lost all fight. "I should have visited more, but... I never thought Clary was capable of doing this."

Pain laced through his arteries, burning his body from the inside out. He struggled to hold a firm voice. "You think she slept with him because of me?"

Jon gulped, and Jace could see the answer in his eyes. Absolutely. "It's what I would do if I lost Iz. I'd want to forget, too. I couldn't stand all the memories."

That should have made him happy. He should have gotten hope from hearing that. But all he felt was self-loathing. He had caused her so much pain. It would have been better to have never touched her at all.

"You couldn't have known this would happen, Jace. Let it go."

"How can I just let this go?" Jace sneered. "She had to have an abortion because I hurt her so much she just needed a night to forget, Jon. She'll never be the same after this."

He'd never seen Jonathan so close to tears. "I know," he sighed. "But she's still Clary." Jace didn't see his point. His eyes narrowed. Suddenly, he wanted Jon to leave. He wanted to hate himself in peace. He wanted to mourn the evidence of his reckless decisions. "If you loved her before, you can love her again."

He had some nerve implying Jace had fallen out of love with her. The idea alone made him furious. It was more likely that zombies were real than that ever happen. In his rage, he shook as he growled out, "I never stopped loving her, you idiot!"

Clary awoke with a start. He didn't realize he'd shouted. Blood was pounding in his ears. He needed to get away. He needed to get rid of his anger. But Clary's wide, frantic eyes held him in place. Jonathan grunted with approval. "Glad you admitted it. Maybe now you can change the outcome."

He turned on his heels and shut the door behind him.

"What's he talking about?" Clary's voice was hoarse. She rubbed at her eyes, taking in her surroundings. Jace just shook his head, waiting on her mind to catch up with the time. He could almost see it play out in her eyes, watch as she realized where they had just came from.

"Oh." Her hands went to her stomach, and she fell back on the pillow. "Oh God." She clenched her eyes shut, making fists. "Oh God," she repeated, over and over, mumbling things into her hands. It took Jace a second to gather that she was _praying_.

She was praying for her soul.

"Come here," he said as her words turned to sobs. She didn't object as he pulled her onto his lap. And for hours, they sat together as she cried into the night. He wondered if she would ever truly stop crying.

. . .

"I know," Jace snapped, stealing a fry from Jon's bag before the light turned green. "It's just been two weeks and she hasn't left the apartment. Hell, if we didn't switch off giving her our beds, she might not have left my room."

"She just lost a baby, Jace. Have a heart," Isabelle griped. "You don't hear me complaining that I've lost my best friend, do you?"

Jace didn't bother with the breaks as he sped around a sharp turn. Isabelle screeched as she flew into the door. "I'm worried about her! She's not coping well."

"Well what do you want us to do about it?" Jonathan huffed. "She put this on herself."

Jace gripped the wheel tighter, thankful they were almost home. He was anxious whenever he left Clary, but especially when they left her alone. It wasn't like she showed signs of suicidal tendencies…but he didn't want to take any risks.

He remembered a time when he had wished she would come to visit and never leave like this. Now, he regretted that wish. He would gladly let her take over his room if it meant he'd have her back, but this was not his Clary. This Clary wouldn't eat if he didn't bring food into her. This Clary didn't sing to song out of pitched with a smile on her face. This Clary didn't even speak until he pried the words out of her after hours of questioning.

Isabelle tried comforting her once. The moment she saw her face, and her slight baby bump, Clary broke down. She went so far as to throwing nearby objects at Iz to get her to leave.

So when Jace stepped through the door to find Clary in the living room, sitting with crossed legs on the couch, it was needless to say he felt the sky lift of his shoulders.

She was staring blankly at the television, most likely hardly even registering what was being aired, but she was voluntarily out of his bedroom. She had changed clothes. Her hair was even wet, meaning she'd showered without being asked.

"Clary!" Jon exclaimed, clearly hopeful she'd be up and moving on her own soon. He never said it, but Jace knew he'd grown tired of treating her like a child. Truthfully, so had Jace, but he could never admit that even to himself. He owed her this much. After all, he knew he was the reason she got into this mess. Maybe two weeks ago he would have been somewhat appeased to have heard that she'd only slept with this guy because she was still not over Jace, but when Isabelle explained that to him a few days ago, he felt like he had a heard of lead.

It wasn't his fault she broke up with him, but it was his fault for not trying harder. And hell, maybe he should have relented and chosen a closer college. That thought always plagued him, especially in his darkest nights. He still remembered the words she'd drunkenly cried to him one night.

"Am I not enough? Am I not worth it?"

But that was the thing. She _was_ worth it. He knew that. He knew that from their first date. He'd follow her anywhere…except that wasn't necessary. Jace thought that if she was worth it – if their love was worth it, it could withstand anything, even distance. Wasn't that what true love was supposed to be like? What happened to true love conquering all?

Maybe he'd just grown up watching too many Disney movies.

"Hey guys," Clary whispered, drawing Jace to attention. He clung on to every word, desperate for a little hope that she was overcoming this. "Is that…food?" They nodded. She didn't say anything.

Without thinking about it, Jace grabbed his fast food bag from Jonathan. "This is yours. Are you hungry?"

She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap. "Starving."

And she ate his chicken strips. With every bite, he grew more and more satisfied despite still being hungry. Isabelle came through the door and began to dart towards Jon's bedroom, but then Clary straightened.

"Hey Iz?" she called. Isabelle froze like a deer in the headlights. "Iz, I'm sorry I threw those things at you…and called you a selfish whore…and-,"

"You never said whore," Isabelle snorted, walking back in front of the couch suspiciously. "And I don't need a recap of your foul mouth. We're cool as long as you promise to snap out of zombie mode."

Clary, avoiding all promises, laughed lightly, glancing at Jace. In an instant, hope spread throughout his heart so quickly it made him stop and catch his breath. There was a distant light in his eye, so faint he knew she wouldn't have recognized it. Nobody would have except Jace. Jace could pick up the slightest change in Clary, even after months of never seeing her.

"Do you remember when Jace was in zombie mode?" her laughter reminded Jace of happier times. Isabelle's eyebrows furrowed. "It was after he went away for a month to a football camp. And when we finally had sex after a month long dry spell," she paused to attempt to stop laughing around the same time Jonathan gagged. "He wouldn't get out of bed. He just lied there with that sick smile on his face."

Isabelle cracked a grin. "It took all three of us rolling him off the bed to get him to snap out of it."

"Hey, you told me he was just tired!" Jonathan groaned, but they could hear the laughter in his voice. Even Jace had to laugh a little.

"It was good sex, can you blame me?"

* * *

 **A/N: I know this is super short and super late but I promise the last one is almost complete and I wanted these next sections all together. Leave me some love and some ideas! If any of you would like to request a short or long story I'm more than happy to hear it. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

 **Extra long chapter for an extra long wait!**

* * *

Jace didn't hear from Clary very much after that. He kept tabs on her. Everyone did. Jon had a valid reason for contacting her once every day now. He'd update her on some new phenomenon that Jonathan Jr. was doing (throwing food at Isabelle today). Sometimes she'd miss calls. It was normal for her to do that, though. Some days, she just didn't want to be bothered with the outside world. It only became a problem if she missed four days or more. Then Jonathan would travel home and check on her because God knew her mother was never home to make sure Clary wasn't hanging from her ceiling fan.

Jace never called her. He assumed when she was ready she would call him. As more time passed, he doubted that very much.

Iz made him promise to try to move on, to not call her, to not think about her. But that only made Jace want her more. It was crazy how she worked him so. The more they were forced apart, the more she spiraled out of control and the more he pined for her. If he lived a life of pining, he supposed things could have been worse.

"It's been five days, Iz!"

Jon and Isabelle had been arguing for couple days. Jace was never told over what. All he knew was that was his cue to get Jon Jr. (Jace called him Johnny) outside and occupy his time. But he knew of only one thing that was counted in days around here.

Johnny took that time to burst into tears. Jace picked the fallen baby up from the sandbox. The kid was too tiny to sit up on his own. He tried and sometimes managed it for a few seconds, but then he would grow distraught when it all failed.

It provided Jace the perfect spying opportunity. The two of them traveled back inside where they could hear the argument better. "She's my sister."

"And this is your child and your girlfriend's career on the line, Jonathan." Isabelle rarely used his full name. Jace frowned. Iz began to speak again, but Johnny took that time grasp Jace's hair.

Their eyes connected. Jace sent silent threats unfit for a baby's ears through telepathy to the child's mind. If he dared to – "Fuck!" Jace cursed loudly as Johnny pulled down with all his secret might on Jace's golden locks. Isabelle stopped her words curiously. When she opened the door, she was fuming.

"If he's so keen on spying on our every word, send him! Not like he's got anything else to do," Isabelle scoffed, taking the baby from his hands. He stopped whining instantly. Eyes burning with flames, she turned to Jonathan, "But you're staying here. I have an interview and I'm not missing it to babysit."

Jace's hand clamped onto Jon's arm like a wrench to a screw. With a loud gulp, Jon nodded and motioned outside. It was still early in the morning today, with the cold air whipping Jon's hair around his face. Face ashen, Jace wondered if he was sick.

"It's Clary," he began with something Jace had clearly gathered. "She hasn't called in a week."

With crossed arms, Jace grunted, hiding his rising panic. "Wonderful. You waited this fucking long to tell me?" Jon pursed his lips. "Whatever. I'm leaving. Tell Iz to stop showing so much affection for her baby; she's smothering the thing."

Jon barked out in nervous laughter. "Completely agree." He watched as Jace jogged down the steps. "Hey Jace?" There was a pause, as if he was unsure what words to say, as if it would inspire the blonde to do more for his sister. Jon just didn't understand that Jace would already give up his entire world for the girl with flaming red hair that caught his eyes and never let go. "Fix her. Please."

There was no solid response. Jace didn't want to fix her. He just wanted her to finally smile like she wasn't still carrying her child on her shoulders.

So he made his way to the Fray home.

There was no light coming from her house. Only one lone car sat in the driveway. Jocelyn wasn't home. Jace pulled up beside Clary's car with shaking hands. He hadn't seen Clary since she'd spent over a month at their place, sharing his room and life with him. She'd dropped out of his world so quickly he had trouble readjusting. Now he finally got true affirmation that she was okay, more than just a phone call with calm, thought-out words.

The door was unlocked. It sent waves of unease coursing through Jace's mind. Clary knew better than to leave the door unlocked. He walked further into the house. There was some sort of noise, giving him precautious hope. He rounded the corner to find the TV shining false light onto the couch. Lying wrapped in her bed comforter like a miniature burrito was the object of his affection.

The TV's light was bright and cast a grey glow on Clary's red hair, making it seem almost brown. Jace took a breath and sat by her feet. "You know, everyone thinks Ross and Rachel are the power couple, but Ross is a pussy. I'm more of a Monica and Chandler guy myself."

There was a miniscule sigh before words escape the burrito roll. "What are you doing here, Jace?" Her voice had lost all emotion, all empathy.

"Then again, Chandler is even more of a pussy."

She just sighed.

"I heard you got accepted into our university next year."

Silence. There were empty take out containers and half melted ice cream cartons lying around the couch. The nearby trashcan hadn't been emptied in a while, and surrounding it were water bottles from, presumably, missed shots.

Despite the filth, Jace was relieved. At least this time she was eating.

He glanced at his phone, sending Jonathan a quick text that Clary was in fact alive. When he did, he saw the date. Something felt wrong about that date. He knew it was truly July 21, 2018, but there was an unknown reason as to why this bothered him.

Clary's phone buzzed from across the room. It was lying against the wall as if she'd thrown it there. Her eyes didn't even peek at the item.

"He won't stop calling," Clary groaned, as if she was just a teenage girl complaining about her prom dress coming in late.

"Jon's just-,"

"Not Jon," Clary sighed with little interest. "Kyle."

For some reason, Jace had a good idea who Kyle was. "What does he want? Help getting into his nearest fraternity so he can drown himself in beer for freshman year?"

Clary didn't even laugh. She just shook her head and snuggled further into her cacoon. Frowning, Jace turned off the television. Then he crouched in front of Clary, staring with certainty into emerald eyes fit for a corpse.

"He's mad I didn't tell him. Said he should have gotten a say in it," she shrugged, but Jace could see that this wasn't just something she brushed over. Her eyes flirted with Jace's in an attempt to bring some sort of energy back in them. "I told you, didn't I?"

Jace brushed red flames away from her tear-stained cheeks. "Told me what, baby?" He couldn't help but call her that, call her anything from when they were together. He had to do something to create some sort of spark inside her dead chest. It seemed to make something stir inside her, but very little.

"Every girl fucks a Kyle or Brad or Collin before they become a woman. It's a right of passage we all must make," she almost smirked. "I told you."

Jace grinned despite himself, grinned at the image of an almost alive-Clary, grinned at the memory.

. . .

 _2015_

Jace reclined back on the pool chair. He'd worked out yesterday for the first time in a week and now he could hardly move his legs. "Yes, Alec you smart stump, those older men," Jace whistled, "they've seen every STD on the market."

Something soft hit Jace upside the head. It was intended to be rough, but it really was like a girl running her hands through his hair. Or that's what he imagined it'd be. "Don't stress him out. Older guys are hot. Let him have fun," Clary dumped herself ceremoniously next to Jace.

Alec rolled his eyes and spoke with much posh, "And you would know…how exactly?"

She shrugged smugly, as if she knew a secret nobody else knew. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Alec gagged. He held up a hand and rose to his feet. "That's my cue. I'll deal with Magnus myself."

"Use protection, bro!" Clary called out, catching the attention of three nearby people swimming in the Lightwood's pool. Nearby, Jace scoffed. Her glassy eyes turned to him, simultaneously sipping her red solo cup. "What's so funny, Mr. Giggles?"

Eyebrows raised, he chuckled, "Use protection? As if you'd know the first thing about sex."

Her mouth dropped, but he could see the smile forming on her red, plump lips. In response, he licked his own. He'd kissed those lips before, once. There was very little he wouldn't do to kiss them again. Hand over heart, Clary leaned towards him. "I'll have you know, I am not as naive as you think."

With a heavy eye roll, he stole her cup and finished the liquid. Jace nearly choked. It was a challenge to hide his surprise at hard liquor in her cup. She'd come a long way since then.

"Oh really? Who was it? Last time we drank, you were the Virgin Mary."

Blushing, she shoved his shoulder. "I wasn't pregnant, so no. And..." she shrugged, looking around with her eyes. Jace's face split into a grin.

"Ah, I caught you. Still walking with your card hanging out of your pocket," Jace tossed the cup into the trash, sitting up and coming face to face with Clarissa Fray's red, fiery head. "Watch out, sweetheart, somebody could easily swipe it."

Clary leaned even closer. Suddenly, it was just the two of them outside in the cool night air. She wore a vanilla scented lotion, one more enticing than her strawberry scented perfume from the night before. There was a faint hint of vodka on her lips. "Is that an offer?"

Neither would look away from the other. Jace, trying to read her for truth or play, was stumbling downhill fast for the girl praying he'd get her message. All other sounds and images filtered out. How did he play this correctly? What response would make her his?

Before he could say a word, she leaned back and giggled. It was an addicting giggle, one so pure and carefree. He hoped she never lost it. "You know, when I first met you, I thought you were one of 'those' guys."

Jace played along, not daring to let there be any more space between them. "What guys exactly, Red?"

In a second, Clary was back in his face, elbows balancing on her knees with ease. "I have this theory," she began, eyes toying with his. Jace tilted his head, curiosity getting the best of him. "Every girl fucks such a classic dude before she can be deemed a woman. You know, such a white dad guy – a Brad, or Josh, or Kyle…"

Jace frowned. "Interesting theory. So should I call over Jake for you?"

Clary snorted, "Why would you do that?"

"So you can fuck him and then be mine," Jace said, heart jumping a beat. He leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head again. "Become a woman, Clarissa, and then see me."

Sputtering, she slapped his arm rather forcefully. Jace pretended to rub it. "I'm serious, Jace! Find any twenty-something girl and she'll tell you she's fucked a Kyle before."

Jace feigned to be insulted, hand over his heart. "As am I, Clarissa. Please, have sex with Jake before I make you mine." He winked and noticed the way her breath caught in her throat. "I do not share."

"J-Jace, I can't tell if you're being serious." She paused. "Be serious, please."

Jace eyed Clary. She was blushing, clenching her hands between her legs to minimize the shaking. With a frown, he looked around, noticing that everyone had left the patio to listen to horrid karaoke inside. He made a decision then, and stuck with it.

Jace gently gripped her hands and guided Clary to sit beside his leg, and then he yanked her down. With a shrill squeal, she landed on his chest, eyes wide, mouth gaping, chest heaving. He gazed down at her face, unsure if he'd ever seen something he wanted to deem his more in the world.

"I don't mind dating a girl." Blood flooded into his cheeks as Clary laughed, covering her mouth in an attempt not to embarrass him. "Well, that didn't come out right. I mean…screw your Kyle. I want you how you are now."

She sobered up rather quickly. Shifting positions, she seemed to be analyzing his face for the millionth time in her life. "You said dating… Jace, you don't date."

He ran a hand down her face, toying with one of her rosy curls. "I guess we'll both have to make exceptions."

He'd never seen such a bright smile before. She was truly beautiful. The way her smile made her eyes shine like stars in a barren sky…it made his heart clench with agony because all he wanted was her, forever, always by his side.

"Only on two conditions," Clary breathed, head leaning on his chest as she gazed both at the sky and his face.

"Anything."

He couldn't help but fall in love with the way she fit perfectly into his side. Her voice was soft and at peace when she said, "We kiss every day, for at least five minutes."

Jace chuckled warmly, thumb moving in circles on the exposed skin of Clary's hip. "Easy…but I can't promise we won't be doing more than kissing." She laughed lightly, as if she wasn't expecting anything but that. "And the second?"

"You promise to never leave me."

It took Jace half a second to respond. "On my life."

Clary's hand found his own, and he didn't think there was a better way to spend his night. That was, of course, until she kissed him. Then he could think of hundreds of different scenarios.

. . .

 _2017_

Laughter was an odd sound coming from Clary's lips, so rare and so childlike. "I was right."

He cocked an eyebrow curiously. "What? Are you implying you're a big girl now? I might have to protest that account. Most women have actual breasts."

Clary flung her head back with the most devilish grin he'd ever seen. Finally, she broke out of her blanket burrito to control her raucous giggles. "I will never understand you, Jace Wayland. You know my breasts are and always will be C cups."

Jace moved to sit in front of her, eyes locking with mirth. "I think I need proof of that."

Her finger ran smoothly down his cheek, almost wistful. "You're still such a flirt, aren't you? How many girls has that worked on since I've been gone?"

Jace rolled his eyes. He leaned closer, challenging Clary subtly in a way she barely detected anymore. "Only near a hundred. But I'm quite picky, you know."

In an instant, he took out his phone and pulled up his Tinder profile. Clary gaped at his bio. She read the horrid words aloud, "'Jace Wayland. Twenty. Looking for a redhead. Small waist, C cup, short as hell, ass firm as a fist.' Jace, what the hell? Firm as a fist? Were you drunk when you wrote this? It's like you're sabotaging your…for fuck's sake. You are, aren't you?"

Jace met her eyes and leaned back, straightening his shoulders. "I've told you before, Clary. You're it for me. You're not my Kyle."

"I'd certainly hope not," she snorted.

"If you're asking if I've waited faithfully for you, though…don't get your hopes up."

Clary leaned back into the couch, wrapping the blanket tighter around her body. Jace wondered how she would take this. He'd been wondering that since he had the first ounce of hope that she hadn't completely thrown him out of her mind. He never wanted to cause Clary any more pain. She'd endured far too much than a teenager should have. Lately, he wasn't too worried. It wasn't that he was sure she could handle it. It was just that he doubted anything he'd bring to the table could compare to the sorrow of losing a child.

Clary nodded, pushing hair back behind her ears. "A player once and forever, huh?"

Jace shrugged. "Every smart player falls to the game for their coveted prize, Clary."

Blush spread along her cheeks as her eyes found her lap. It gave him time to study the dark rings under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept in days. Jace pushed himself off the couch, roaming around the room until he found her phone. He picked it up, squinting through the cracks to read the newest message.

"If you had told me, I would have been there for this day. I'm a dick, but I'm not heartless."

"Just fucking call me."

As he peered at the date floating about the unnerving texts, the screen switched to a picture of a guy with sunglasses and brown hair. He was decent looking, and despite how much anger radiating towards the guy's smug face, he couldn't help but be resolved. He wasn't near good enough for Clary, but at least he wasn't dirt-grade in looks. Jace was still far hotter, of course. Still, in the smallest pit of his heart, and he'd never say this aloud, he was thankful for Kyle. Kyle had brought Clary some, albeit miniscule, amounts of happiness while all he brought her was anguish and longing.

"Hello."

There was hesitation before the voice spoke. "Who is this? Where's Clary."

"You really didn't know?" Jace asked because he knew Clary would be the type to lie about how much she gave to a guy. She gave her whole soul to Jace and never told another about it. At least then he'd given her his as well.

"For fuck's sake, who is this? No, I didn't know. Clary didn't speak to me for a year and then just sprouts this out of the blue today. It's shitty timing, too. My girlfriend thinks it was recent. Could you please just get Clary to explain she had the abortion a year ago to my girlfriend?"

And then it all clicked. Clary texted him this morning. She'd been slowly spiraling out of their lives until this day. Today. One year ago today, Jace took Clary to the clinic where she ended the life of her child.

"Jace! Jace, give it up. He doesn't even care," Clary yelled, voice turning sour at the idea of Kyle.

On the other end of the phone, Kyle chuckled. The sound made Jace's stomach sink in a similar way to when he found Clary retching into a toilet a little over a year ago. "So. You're the elusive Jace. She wouldn't stop whining about you the entire time. You should be just…honored."

Jace gripped her phone tighter. With shaking hands, Jace ended the call. He set the phone down.

Clary was scowling at his form. Jace took a seat beside her, and without a word, he pulled her out of her burrito and held her. She didn't understand at first. "Jace, what-?"

"One year."

She froze. And then she crumpled. "One year," her sigh was small, inaudible, finite.

It had been so long since she'd been in his arms. It'd been so long since he'd held her. It'd been so long since he'd had physical evidence of Clary Fray in his arms.

. . .

Jace spent that night shoving cartons of ice cream in their mouths while watching reruns of Friends. Clary didn't really watch. Here and there, she talked about the abortion and the aftermath. It was hard to listen to, so Jace could only assume it was hell to go through.

So this morning, he made her breakfast because only one of Jace's hand-crafted pancakes could heal a wound so deep. He was about to bring it to Clary's room when she walked out. In only a large t-shirt. His large t-shirt. Rubbing her eyes with the biggest yawn she could produce, Jace was amazed at how beautiful she was to this day. She had changed since high school, sure, but the overall attractiveness stayed the same.

"Is that a Jace-cake?" Clary mumbled into her hand, voice more curious than excited. Her eyes, though, showed her true delight. Big as flying saucers, the green seemed amplified this morning.

Clary had given his Reese's-pieces-pancake a Jace-cake when he made it for her after a very drunken prom night. From prom until graduation, Jace made that at least twice a week for her. All he did was mix Reese's cups and Reese's pieces into the pancake mix. Still, she was obsessed. She claimed her form of payment was sex. Jace did not inform her that was slightly on the prostitution line; he liked her sex too much.

"Made specially for you," Jace took both of their plates to the couch, refusing to let her eat anywhere less than comfortable. To his surprise, Clary took the seat directly beside him. They were close enough that heat radiated from her to him. He scooted closer. Her skin was hot as well.

"I've missed these," she moaned as she stuffed her face with a bite from his plate as well as hers. Jace grinned. He didn't miss the way she stole his food. It brought her an unknown sense of happiness, he was sure.

"I missed you," Jace said. Clary's emerald eyes met her with that _really?_ look.

"You know I thought about baby names once," Clary hummed into the bite of fluffy pancake. She pointed her fork toward the food. "Peanut. I was this close to running away with a baby names Peanut."

Jace nearly dropped his plate in his laughter. He sat the plate on the table where Clary continued to steal more of his food. "If it was a girl, though…" her eyes flirted with his. "Jay."

"Jay?" Jace sucked in a breath. Years ago, they'd been joking around when Jace informed Clary that they needed to decide on baby names. She had laughed, saying they'd only been dating for a month. He explained how their matrimony was only inevitable. In the end, they'd settled on two names. Jace had offered 'Shadow' for a guy, and Clary only agreed to shut him up. But she'd chosen the girl's name. Jay. Every time Jace claimed it was too similar to his name, Clary's smile grew brighter.

"I know. That's why I chose it," she had said.

Jace's smile slipped away. His eyes ran over Clary as she sipped her juice. He'd wondered if she'd ever truly moved on before. It seemed like she did. After all, she never once reached out to him, but he supposed that never meant she was done with him completely. How many days did she spent moping over him? How many hours of her life was wasted on thoughts of Jace?

"Clary," he warned. If there was something he'd put above getting her back in his priorities, it was her well-being. And pining after a guy for two years didn't settle well in his mind.

Her eyes found her lap. "I used to imagine it was yours," she blushed. "I couldn't have kept it either way, but…it made it was little better."

When her eyes finally looked into his, he found pain. Years of pain that had been building since the day she left him. Regret coursed through her veins, and Jace wondered how she could have survived these long years on her own knowing she'd put herself there.

"I never said sorry," she whispered, grabbing his hand. Jace gripped it tightly, hope surging through his body at dangerous levels.

"You never said anything." Jace grunted with more bitterness than he'd intended.

She sighed, and the sound was so resigned. "I know." She eyed him nervously. "And you were still there for me. So thank you, Jace. I owe you."

Jace took her other hand in his. He took a deep breath. "You do. So I'm cashing in. You're leaving this house today and I'm taking you on a date."

Jace could see her heart pause. "A date?"

"Well, you are coming to my college, after all."

Clary scoffed. "Yeah. It's about the only one that would take me since I haven't added anything to my portfolio for the past year."

Jace smirked. "I'll be your next nude model."

Clary deadpanned, "I hate you."

"You loved me once."

Blush spread upon her cheeks. She leaned her head tiredly against his shoulder. "I think I still do."

"I do." Jace said without thought. She eyed him lazily, as if it were no surprise to her. Maybe it wasn't. Her smirked. "I'll always love you."

"I'm not sure how fast I can…you know," she muttered, suddenly nervous as if he'd retake his offer. Little did she know that he'd left this offer on the table for two years. He wasn't about to pull it back for a few more months of waiting.

"All I ask if for a kiss," he whispered, eyes running along her plump lips. Clary seemed lost, as if she wasn't sure how they'd gotten there. But then she nodded and moved into his embrace. It was like the world was restored to a better, brighter time two years ago. Her lips were chapped, but that didn't deter him.

Jace kissed her softly, memorizing the vaguely familiar objects he'd longed for since they'd first kissed. She lightly ran a tongue along his bottom lip, and his heart soared a mile above the ground. He was unsure if he'd ever get it back. No matter. Clary always held it securely. Maybe it was left unprotected for years, but she'd always kept it close.

When they pulled away and Clary climbed on his lap as she finished his pancakes, Jace had hope. He had more than hope. This time, he was sure.

And a year later, he got down on one knee without any fears.

Two years later, they did have a baby girl named Jay. They'd never forget the first child, and childbirth was not easy for Clary. But it was worth it in the end.

* * *

 **A/N: Idk about this ending. I think I let it go on for too long. I definitely did. oh well. That's the good part about writing for fun. it can suck and oh well! I hope you guys did like it though. It was kind of interesting. it started out so much better in my head, though. Eh. I tried. And school is about to start up soooo idk about any other new stories after this too soon but there's a chance I could do a quick short two shot if you gave me an idea.**

 **IDEAS? THOUGHTS? REVIEWWW**


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